Low rent ‘Echelon Conspiracy’ needs a stimulus check

One out of four stars (Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense violence and action, some sexuality, and brief language) Running time: 106 minutes. Reviewed at Cinemark Market Street on February 27.

“You can observe a lot by watching,” Yogi Berra said. Last week I saw the trailer for a new comedy movie scheduled to open in April called “Observe and Report” starring Seth Rogen as—get this—a mall cop.

Wait a minute—I thought the highest grossing movie this year has been “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Two mall cop movies in three months?

“It was déjà vu all over again,” Yogi Berra also said. I got that feeling watching “Echelon Conspiracy,” which opened on Friday. Last September the popular conspiracy thriller “Eagle Eye” opened with its “big brother is watching you” theme wrapped around chase scenes and endless car crashes.

“Echelon Conspiracy” is a pale imitation of “Eagle Eye,” not exactly a good movie to begin with. The hero makes his way through exotic locations—Bangkok, Sofia, Prague, and Moscow—frequently looking up at menacing surveillance cameras that track his every move, reminiscent of HAL the homicidal supercomputer of “2001.”

Max Peterson (Shane West)—a hybrid clone of Chandler Bing and Ensign Pulver—is a computer engineer whose specialty is security encryption. On assignment in Bangkok, he receives a strange package that contains a cool looking new cell phone device—you know, those things that people in darkened theaters use to annoy other patrons because they are forever checking their messages during the movie.

Ah, but this is a magical cell phone that sends messages to Max from an unknown source. First, he is warned to stay in Bangkok for an extra night and book another flight out. Bingo! What do you know—the plane he was supposed to take crashes and all 126 on board are killed.

Time out here—normally under such circumstances the person whose life was spared by missing an ill-fated flight would be buying drinks for the house, filling up the collection plate at church, and giving interviews to Katie Couric. As haphazardly directed by Greg Marcks, nope, Max just plunges onto the next scene.

Max gets another text message telling him to buy a stock that proceeds to go up three-fold the next day. Then he’s advised to go to a casino in Prague and winds up winning three million Euros, aided by these strange text messages.

Up to this point we have an interesting movie. But the story comes apart at the seams when the unknown source of information turns out to be the National Security Agency supercomputer “Echelon” run amuck.

The casino detective Reed (a wooden Edward Burns) and FBI agent Grant (Ving Rhames, stiff as a cardboard target at a shooting range) give chase to Max.

Directing traffic from afar is the NSA director Burke played by Martin Sheen, acting as though he is appearing in a different movie. An over caffeinated Burke screams uncontrollably at his employees and makes a perfect candidate for one of those “Want to get away?” airline commercials.  This guy makes Dick Cheney look warm and cuddly.

Burke is no doubt a Bush appointee, judging by Dubya’s portrait hanging proudly on the wall. Unlike Brownie, however, he sure isn’t doing a heck of a job overseeing our national intelligence gathering. 

There are obligatory chase scenes, gunfire, and cheesy explosions that seem to be tacked on as wakeup calls for the audience, who have by this point lost any interest in the confusing story.