Two out of four stars (Rated PG for sequences of action and violence, frightening and dangerous situations) Running time: 99 minutes. Reviewed at Cinemark Market Street on March 13.
In 1975 Disney released a science fiction adventure movie called “Escape to Witch Mountain,” starring Eddie Albert as a nice old widower who befriends two orphans with paranormal powers. At the end the two kids take off in a flying saucer.
That was followed several years later by the sequel called “Return to Witch Mountain,” memorable only because it starred Bette Davis in a rapid descent—call it a nosedive—from her illustrious film career.
Neither title resonated as classic children movie fare—certainly not in the “E.T.” bracket—but that doesn’t appear to have deterred the Magic Kingdom from reaching down deep into the well again. Now we have “Race to Witch Mountain,” not quite a remake of the first two but the story remains the same.
This time the action shifts to Las Vegas, where ex-con cab driver Jack Bruno (former professional wrestler Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) picks up two mysterious (aren’t they all?) teens named Seth (Alexander Ludwig) and Sara (AnnaSophia Robb). Off they drive into the desert, pursued by Department of Defense employees mimicking the Keystone Kops, led by the sinister Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds).
Seth and Sara are illegal aliens of the extraterrestrial variety, arriving in a flying saucer now being stored in Witch Mountain, a government facility probably funded by a Congressional earmark. They’ve come to Earth on a mission to save their planet 3,000 light years away, pursued in turn by some oversized alien enforcer that looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon after taking some serious anabolic steroids.
First things first, however—thirty minutes into the movie and dim bulb Jack still hasn’t figured out their identity, this coming after overt displays of power that no human could possibly perform. One involves Seth zapping himself out of the cab during a high-speed chase to stop a Chevrolet Avalanche head on.
Not to mention that when Seth and Sara talk, they always inject the cabbie’s name: “Jack Bruno, the vehicles behind us are indicating a pattern of pursuit,” or “Jack Bruno, it is understandable that you scared and confused given the turn of events.”
Finally a chase ensues between the cab and a flying saucer through a mountain tunnel in which, you guessed it, the cab escapes but the saucer collides with an oncoming freight train.
At that point Jack is still clueless. Then Sara does a levitation trick with some loose change and he finally gets the picture. Oh, did you know that Sara also reads minds? Problem is with Jack she doesn’t have much material to work with.
Jack and a comely astrophysicist named Alex (Carla Gugino) try to help the two aliens return to their spaceship, fending off government agents, mobsters, the alien enforcer, and a gathering of costumed space cadets at a UFO convention. There’s lots of gunfire (nothing hits), loud explosions, and more high-speed chases.
Of course “The Rock” gets to display his wrestling talents, taking on the alien enforcer as though he was tangling with Triple H. The Samoan Drop might help him do the trick.
Note: The movie marks the return of the two young actors from the original. 40-something Kim Richards, aunt of Paris Hilton, plays a waitress, while Ike Eisenmann appears as the sheriff. His father was “Cadet Don” on Channel 13 back in the 1960’s.
